it’s 8 a.m. so i didn’t find any better name for this post, as it is the first of at least 24 days of road/rail-trip-ing.
As I promised myself, I am traveling light – something I’ve always wished for. No more 30kg suitcases and a ton of “hand”-luggage!
I’m off to Budapest now! 
plot, in short: changed ship, from Beauty to The Beast. Transformed Beast into a more bearable creature, still it feels like something’s wrong.
and in the last 48 hours it dawned on me: this is not how i was supposed to end up. i was out to have the time of my life, travel the world and live great experiences, not rotten in a tin can bouncing between Passau and Budapest without my own cabin or even a decent meal or internet connection… and on top of that, i do not have to answer to the absurd demands of a head office that does not offer anything in return. first of all because we are out of the age of slavery and second of all because i do not depend on them for anything in the world.
now, after the basic challenge of putting this ship on the desired direction has been somewhat completed (there are some significant limits to one persons capacities…), i see absolutely no reason to be treated with this amount of disrespect and given the fact that i do not in the least enjoy my time here anymore nor have any satisfaction in doing this job anymore, i have decided that something has to change. and i am seriously considering quitting as an option, not because i am to weak to resist for one whole season, just because i don’t have to put up with any of this crap and i don’t feel like wasting my time like this when i know i could be way better of.
so, I decided I have to enjoy my life, whether this company likes it or not..effective immediately.
hehe, i think i just started a new bet with myself: let’s see how long before i am a hotelmanager )
actually, i don’t really know if i would even want that, but it would be a fun thing to aim for and after the last few days nothing seems impossible anymore.
WINHOTEL, the accounting program everybody hates – or better said – fears, has become my new passion and as soon as i will be done with repairing the urgent damage here, i will start reading into it. after 4 years of C++, i’m sure it can’t be a big deal )
then there are the inventories – i can do that, actually, i already do them, orders for linnen, cleaning products and food – with a clear head and some common sense, anything is possible )
my god, this is already a lot more than what the HMs i’ve worked with are doing )
which brings me to my HUUUGE accomplishment of the day – serious ass-kicking and major damage to the hoteldepartment, backed by Le MAMAN et LE PAPA themselves, in person, live at the crime scene…well, i tried, i tried talking, i tried negotiating, i tried suggesting, but if we have to play kindergarden league, then fine with me – i call mamma! ))
so now i am enthusiasticaly waiting for tomorrow to start all over again with this shipwreck )
- that was an offline post written yesterday.
so, today, i started all over again with inventories of everything and spent a few more hours with Winhotel, got to love it more than before and proved my point that it is not idiot-proof, but intuitive for those who know the basic rules of using your own brain.
now that this whole charade is over, i can go back to be a cruise director starting tomorrow.
uh, no, not yet….i still have to get rid of some boxes and other ugly things in public areas…. )
one strange week… i never knew it will turn out so useful to hear – actually only sense – all that criticism. no surprise, of course, that when you come from a place where everything works to a rather chaotic organisation, you tend to see ALL the flaws EVERYWHERE. it got me really mad. i was really thinking this guy is overdoing it. it’s really not that bad. and then yesterday i left the Diamond in his hands to go take over the Rhapsody. and i am in shock of what i found here, just as much as he was over there. i mean, no major tragedies, but there definitely are things that can and will not stay the same.
i gave my very first post a lot of thought.. i realized how little i achieved of what i actually wanted. but the only good thing is that now i am getting a second chance. i soooo hope i learned enough from my mistakes and that
THIS TIME I WILL DO IT RIGHT!
the happy thoughts i was planning on sharing yesterday will be postponed for another moment, as things move faster than the ships can follow…
long story short, i just learned that i will be changing ships in a week and somehow i have the feeling, it will be even sooner…
last week i was just thinking about how things don’t seem to work out the way they usually do with me… i’m usually a lucky kid and it just didn’t feel right, that i was in this place where nothing worked well, so i really had a feeling that something will change pretty soon. and so it did. yesterday i got the news that i will be changing ships to go to a totally different constellation, with a totally unknown crew from a new catering company and do something i am not used to: the same 1-week cruise over and over again with a german full-charter.
and i have mixed feeling about it…on one hand i am sad to leave home and all the dear people here and all the adventures that we had ahead of us..
on the other hand i am kind of excited about the new adventure and i have a good feeling somewhere underneath the break-up sadness. after all, it was all to silent and simple here to be true…i had enrolled for an adventure and somehow this was a dead end. i am not set to settle down anyhow and anywhere and maybe it’s just for the better that i am leaving here before i grow roots in a ground that is not solid anyhow.
the funny thing is, in the first weeks i was all aware of this instability, but somewhere along the way i forgot that nothing lasts forever here and felt like this could happen to other people, but not to me…i am home and this ships name is written on my forehead.
well – reality check, missy…you are just a pawn too and you’d better watch you back, ’cause no-one is irreplaceable
the last disembarkation feels ages away from me…it’s been a calm and peaceful 2 weeks cruise and now we’re heading towards the end of it. i’m afraid to have a good feeling about it all. i feel that the people were happy and i really hope in a good rating to wash away the shame of the last weeks, but something tells me, i’m so wrong…
there is this funny thing with ratings and comments and tips…you say you don’t actually care about them, but at the end of the week you do. they hurt you or they put you on cloud no.9. and you don’t think about them all week long, but on the last day they hit you like a 2ton gangway.
it’s just like getting you exam results back in the end. you find out what you did, and most of all how your words and actions were seen. and that is the most painful point, when you suddenly find out that what you have tried so hard, never actually worked out…
but we’ll see tomorrow how it went :~
about two weeks ago i decided to put Surprise on my TO DO list, because every time i was proud of myself that i had everything prepared, done and figured out, something unpredicted always comes up. so, ever since then, i am allways prepared for some kind of disaster or at least something that puts your day upside down. makes me go through life easier and at the end of the day i am so much happier when no big disaster happens.
yesterday i took half a day off and went along on one of the city tours. it’s the only way i can truly have some time off without feeling guilty or worried that i should be somewhere and do something. you go on the tour, the people see you are there for them, you take a look at the guides and then you do your own thing for 2-3 hours. at the end you pick them all up again and everybody is happy.
when i came back, it suddenly hit me…how strange it is that this basically cold, impersonal place that looks and functions like a hotel, actually feels like home. that we miss the ones who are on holiday and how everything is in place again when they come back.
how the crew corridor, basically hostile and unwelcoming is our playground, how we keep each-others moral up and how each one of us would do almost anything for the other. and most important, how we can laugh about anything and make it all go away by laughing at it.
don’t get me wrong, this is not Utopia, but it is a bearable atmosphere to live in and you don’t see this very often. of course there are frictions and gossip and backstabbing, but i try to look away from it and just pretend i don’t see it. what i don’t know can’t hurt me. maybe i am just being naive, or this is just a form of protecting myself and keeping a good attitude.
we all do. we all make mistakes, but last week our ship just raised making mistakes to an art form )
to sum up: it was our very first cruise of the season, more than half of the crew was new to the ship, the management team also and everyone had different ideas and expectations. so, we just played by ear…and i must admit i had fun improvising. the ratings were amazing, almost unreal, which makes it even more frustrating to see how low mine were.
but i have learned one incredibly precious lesson this week: admitting my mistakes to others. yes, we are all human, even on the ship, and we all make mistakes, even if we wish we didn’t. some are really big, some are just misunderstandings. but admitting you’re wrong is the hardest thing to do here.
somehow, we live in an universe where each and every one is perfect at his/her job and if something goes wrong, everybody else is guilty, for any other reason.
but a few days ago i discovered
the power of “i’m sorry, i should have known better”
it workes wonders! it brings out “oh, no, it’s ok, no worries, we’ll all know better next time” and solves a lot of lingering issues that tend to come back out like volcanoes weeks later or even worse, in reports sent to your superiors…
however, one can never know if “it’s ok” really means that or if it means “just let it be, you suck at this anyway…and i will let the head-office know what you are doing here”
but even if….i’m just a junior, a beginner, a newbie and if someone considers that i am overwhelmed with my job, that is just an understatement… half the time i have no clue what i’m doing and the other half i’m playing by ear..
and then there are two options:
I either learn from experience and it will all get better with every cruise
Or i just go with the flow and get used to doing things crappy…
as I am an optimist, i think i will get really good at doing this….eventually
there is this line in movies going something like “i am not good at good-byes”. i think nobody really is. i have come to realize that each time i get to have a really serious good-bye moment, as if i am never going to see that person again, it turns out to be quite the opposite and we end up spending lots of time together or meeting a lot more often than expected. on the other hand, i realize there are a lot of people whom i never really got to say good-bye to, believing firmly that we will meet again soon and -guess what- we never met again…
so, for me, good-byes are over-rated. except when it comes to close family and friends (<10 people). because these are the people who will really miss you and they will feel a slight change in their world when you are gone.
everybody else … well, they are just being polite and you are being polite right back at them, but they are all part of this whole process of departing, just like packing and buying tickets and sitting on a bus/train/airplane.
i don't really believe in good-byes anymore, but i do believe in departure rituals/rites of passage, if you will.
as someone who has always been on the road (now more than ever), i have always regarded the road as a destination of its own. it is the moment when time really stands still, the moment you have for yourself, when you can look back and forward at the very same time and see the change and transformations in your life as they happen.
i used to become aware of what lies in front of me during the "packing ritual", but as things become more and more rushed, i am looking forward to the train-ride to look at things more clearly.
right now, i can't really believe that less than 12 hours from now i will be sitting on a train to Linz, to start a new adventure, my very first full season on board…
as we were approaching the new year, I was too busy doing other things, rather than thinking about the past year and lining up new year’s resolutions, no-one ever sticks to anyway…
however, as I took a minute to gasp for some fresh (and I mean fresh!) air, i realized just how much the year 2010 had brought. or, let’s not put it all on fate – how much I had accomplished. then, going back to fate, i realized there is no point in pinning a list of resolutions to a wall, as my life NEVER goes as planned and it’s always been for the better.
so, i just jumped into 2011 with a handful of dreams and hopes, the only resolution being to be happy, or at least contempt.
Now a new season on board is knocking at the door and for me, this is a way bigger deal than a new year. or, maybe it is exactly like a new year for me.
Aaanyhow, I feel the need to trace out some resolutions beforehand and as this will be my travel journal some of you requested, I’m going to start of by pinning the resolutions on this wall and we’ll see how this goes from here
I know beforehand that there will be people who will call me “Dracula” with the loveliest intentions and people who will call me “princess Ralu” with all the sarcasm they are capable of, but I guess this is natural. if there is something I learned so far is that there really is no way in hell you can get everyone to love or at least like you. so – to hell with that.
This really doesn’t mean I will be a bitch, but it just means, I will not let other bitches bring me down. pardon my French, but this is what it all comes down to. I will stop trying so hard to be liked, focusing on making this thing work. In a place where professional and personal life live together, it is really hard not to be gossiped or not to have people disliking you for no reason, but I will (or die trying to) be so professional, they will have no argument against me. The goal here is to be that CD that does her thing so good, it won’t matter what some think of her otherwise. I am not going for “no-one has a bad thing to say about her” because that doesn’t even happen in fairy-tales.
On the same line, I will not let other put me down just because they are more experienced, older or just MEN. I don’t care. No.
Sure, all of the above may make them wiser, but if I want to grow up, I need to quit giving up on my word so easily just because the other person is somewhat intimidating. after all, no-one can ground me to my room at this point! :p
I really need to become more authoritarian. I have learned how not to boss people around, but in this process I forgot that I am in charge and when friendly doesn’t work, i need to get firm – or even bossy. to bad, but this is how it has to be…but i will need to do it in a flawless professional manner – there’s another challenge. I need to learn when to act like a grown-up and when it’s ok to be the teenager (because sometimes it really is ok 
)
Also, I need to get the courage of face-to-face confrontations. I am not sure this will be the best method in this world I dove in, but it will sure be a new one. people have A LOT to say behind each-others backs and often I get caught in between these things, so, I figured, in order to bail my way out of these embarrassing situations, I will just seat them down and have them talk. I know, it will probably have me thrown over-board, but maybe it’s worth a try.
And last but not least, I need to get my act together and start preparing really really good, because it will be hell out there and i really want to have the time and power to enjoy some of it
